Monday, December 26, 2011

ego burst

Well, it has been a very long time since I last posted something on this blog. Why? EEhh. No! Wait, what? Yeah....frustration with life! Nothing really dramatic but I have been working like a mule to build my business and trying to get back into shape in the gym. It seems I fell into a really bad rhythm while I was injured..........not climbing!!! You see I spent 1 and a half years not training for climbing, and now that I am able to train it seems that my passion, my love for climbing has gone away. WTF? I was so used to just not going that even now Im ok with missing a day or 2 at the gym or not going out for the weekend or getting phyched at all. I hit v8 and was like .....whatever? Not that v8 is cutting edge or anywhere near that but what it is to me is progress from the injury hole I was in. I am 40 now and I kinda feel like I need THE CLIMBING WHISPERER. There was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without a single day off from training , it didn't matter if it was the gym, the tunnel in chapel hill, the vertical egde(ewwww). Shit I spent a decade in the vertical edge on 1 angle, 1 wall, a fucking decade! So phyched! Its not the injury Im fighting anymore, its my ego? Im ok with not being as strong as I used to be!!!!!!!!!! Im ok not being as strong as I used to be!!!!!!!!!!! Wait say it again and mean it.................(silence). not!
It seems my inability to shut my ego up has gotten in the way. I always knew that it would. I cant be ok with just enjoying the sport ? I cant just be happy with the fact that I am able to participate ? Its sad really.....I sat in my office and watched videos, bitched,called old climbing buddies drunk like you would an X girlfriend looking for some ass @3am trying to feel connected to the sport while I was down. Well it seems the turning 40 and injury double whammy of last year really got in my head.
Progression is what this shiz is all about.....progress =happiness and direction. I am seeing progress , I am not injured......but still I struggle. I need something new, I need to feel connected to my sport again..........and I need some new shoes. Kurt if you are reading this I just wanted to say that I am very upset that you didn't respond to my 2,000 email request for free shoes, I mean cm on I called your house, your moms house, emailed your dad and still nothing.
Now its over Kurt, im buying five tens...ha!